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And I am — mostly. First, in my experience, this is very much a gendered phenomenon in a heterocentric culture: It has its roots in toxic masculinity and expectations about how Dawes doggy style and women relate to each other. Second, a note for hetero men reading this: Just nt with me!

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Toxic masculinity says that a man is only as good as what he can accomplish. For the female partner, this can turn into yet another way she has to perform emotional labor. This whole dynamic makes it hard to connect in true intimacy in the fot. Instead, sex becomes a performance for both parties.

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The woman may feel pressure to perform pleasure visibly — making more noises, moving more intensely — because he likes looking at it. When I told a friend I was writing this article, she mentioned how some men will brag about how much they looove performing cunnilingus.

And I laughed — because I knew just what she was talking about. I want my partners to desire and appreciate my pleasure. I want my enjoyment to be rewarding for them, just as their enjoyment Girls looking for sex in Gin ny rewarding for me.

But when my fof gets treated as something they deserve extra credit for, all the positive feelings are erased.

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So let me be clear about this: I deserve pleasure from my sexual encounters. Important note: Their comfort and satisfaction is just as important as mine, and full consent comes before pleasure on all sides.

How to talk about it with your partner depends a lot on the closeness of the relationship and how you usually deal with tough conversations with them. A great sexual relationship is born out of communication and giving and taking of feedback. Talking about how women Gn pressure to be and look sexy, while men feel pressure to perform and accomplish and exploring to what extent those dynamics are true for each of youcould be Girls looking for sex in Gin ny lloking conversation for both of you.

lopking Your most important job, when it comes to helping your partner enjoy sex, is to be attentive to what they want. Sometimes an explosive orgasm is not what your partner wants. Sometimes they know that mild shudders of Billiard bowling tonight are the most their body has to offer that day.

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Whatever it is, work on learning how to quiet that ego and really listen to what your partner is expressing. Take the pressure off yourself to be the perfect lover. The best sexual encounters, in my experience, happen when everybody involved comes as they are and gives open attention to what the other person is bringing.

Loiking writes for various publications and has her own blog here. She lives in the Philadelphia area with her poly family and three cats.

Follow her on Twitter lirelyn. Two people against a wall, being intimate. One person looks bored; the other, engaged.

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Two quick notes before we get into it, though. Pin Share 57K. Found this article helpful? Help us keep publishing more like it by becoming a member! Comments Policy.

3 Ways Men Wanting to 'Focus On Her Pleasure' During Sex Can Still Be Sexist - Everyday Feminism

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